After several lousy months, October brought with it bluer skies and a nice sense of optimism for me. Unfortunately, that didn’t survive the transition into November. I wasn’t able to write the last story I had for Halloween, and it all seemed to have tumbled down hill after that.
I started out strong after changing my story on November 1st. The last minute idea about two dudes on a cruise ship gave me a nice boost of inspiration. I had also intended it to be more of a cozy mystery with a twist of romance, which is something different. I thought changing genres might help get me out of my current funk. But no such luck.
Somewhere between word 1 and 10k, I lost my confidence for the plot and the overall story. This happens quite a bit to me, especially in the last few months. It’s something I’ve struggled with since I started writing to varying degrees, and I had hoped time would make those feelings of failure and inadequacy lessen, but it hasn’t. The good news is I had somewhat anticipated it, the bad news is the election happened.
I’m not going to say much about it here, but as a member of the LGBT+ community and as someone with mixed ancestry, I’m afraid of what the next four years will bring. I know I don’t have it nearly as bad as other do. I’m a fair skinned, white passing, Native American, somewhat closeted pansexual, genderqueer/genderfuid person. But I’m much more worried about the safety of others, and especially those who don’t fit into the white, Christian, straight, cisgendered privileged group.
I’m so tired already, but He Who Shall Not Be Named hasn’t even taken office yet. All we can do is hang on for the ride and do our best to stick together and stick up for each other and our rights, whether that is through grassroots activism, donating to helpful charities, or challenging bigots and racists on their hatred.
Needless to say, the last week has completely knocked me out of NaNo mode. I’ve written 300 words the last week, and it was on a totally different story. I’m not sure if I will revisit the cruise ship idea. Maybe I’ll try to jump into something else instead in hopes of salvaging the rest of the month. I don’t know yet.
And if all that wasn’t bad enough, yesterday, my cat died. He was getting old, 14 1/2, and I knew he didn’t have much time left, but that’s just one more thing to deal with in this god forsaken year from hell.
But I have to end this on a positive note.
Dreamspinner Press’s Love Wins anthology is now available for preorder! I’m very excited about it, and am so happy I was able to do something to help the LGBT+ community in these uncertain times. Abstract Heart is such a cute little story that I’m very proud of, so if you need a burst of something positive to look forward to, along with the 16 other wonderful short stories included in the anthology, preorder your copy here today!
Don’t you just love the cover!