As I ascend from the 3 month–more like 6 month–depressive episode I’ve spent a good chunk of this year in, I’m starting to feel my creativity begin to stir.
I’m in the middle of edits for my first novel, Past the Breakers, due out next summer, and I have new story ideas in my head that are starting to percolate and beg to be written. But more importantly, I’m starting to feel normal again.
I don’t really talk about my depression, not even to those closest to me, because who wants to listen to that, but I’m going to take a page from the late Carrie Fisher’s book and not apologize for the way my brain is wired.
It’s been a month since I’ve checked my Facebook page, 6 weeks since I posted a blog post, and I’ve kind of pulled away from my friends a little to wallow around on my couch being, well, depressed. It’s not a fun way to live, that’s for sure, and at times it was hard to accept that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel, but I feel like I’ve made it into the twilight at least.
There’s still this fear that this is just the eye of the storm and that I’ll plunge back into the darkness like I have soooo many times before, but I’m going to try and take advantage of this reprieve while I have it and hope that it stays a while.
I’ve only written 2k words this month, but I’m letting myself be okay with that because self-care is important. I want to be kinder to myself in 2017. This year has been so hard for so many of us, and I just need 2017 to give us all a damn break. It’s a tall order, and probably far too much to hope for with You Know Who soon taking the helm of the US, but I don’t have it in me to look at the negatives right now.
The string of heartbreaking deaths this year, and this month alone, have me questioning my own mortality. Maybe that’s a sign of maturity, which is damn scary, but it’s giving me perspective about a lot of things. Maybe this is all just part of the normal end of year reflection people tend to have, but I should’ve known starting out 2016 with a panic attack would set the tone for the year from hell. It just makes me determined to start 2017 off on a better foot.
I’m not making any resolutions–because I know myself and they won’t stick–but I thought I’d share a few things I’m looking forward to this coming year.
- The release of my second novella, My Paradise Is You, March 1st
- The release of my first novel, Past the Breakers, tbd (so excited!!)
- Finishing the 3 novels I had to take a break from
- Starting a few more
- Maybe finally graduating with my BA in History
- Reading new books
- Making new friends
- Personal and professional growth
- Enjoying my family
- Telling 2016 to kiss my ass
Kind of a lame list, but it’s mine.