October, I miss you….

After several lousy months, October brought with it bluer skies and a nice sense of optimism for me. Unfortunately, that didn’t survive the transition into November. I wasn’t able to write the last story I had for Halloween, and it all seemed to have tumbled down hill after that.

NaNo Update:

I started out strong after changing my story on November 1st. The last minute idea about two dudes on a cruise ship gave me a nice boost of inspiration. I had also intended it to be more of a cozy mystery with a twist of romance, which is something different. I thought changing genres might help get me out of my current funk. But no such luck.

Somewhere between word 1 and 10k, I lost my confidence for the plot and the overall story. This happens quite a bit to me, especially in the last few months. It’s something I’ve struggled with since I started writing to varying degrees, and I had hoped time would make those feelings of failure and inadequacy lessen, but it hasn’t. The good news is I had somewhat anticipated it, the bad news is the election happened.

I’m not going to say much about it here, but as a member of the LGBT+ community and as someone with mixed ancestry, I’m afraid of what the next four years will bring. I know I don’t have it nearly as bad as other do. I’m a fair skinned, white passing, Native American, somewhat closeted pansexual, genderqueer/genderfuid person. But I’m much more worried about the safety of others, and especially those who don’t fit into the white, Christian, straight, cisgendered privileged group.

I’m so tired already, but He Who Shall Not Be Named hasn’t even taken office yet. All we can do is hang on for the ride and do our best to stick together and stick up for each other and our rights, whether that is through grassroots activism, donating to helpful charities, or challenging bigots and racists on their hatred.

Needless to say, the last week has completely knocked me out of NaNo mode. I’ve written 300 words the last week, and it was on a totally different story. I’m not sure if I will revisit the cruise ship idea. Maybe I’ll try to jump into something else instead in hopes of salvaging the rest of the month. I don’t know yet.

And if all that wasn’t bad enough, yesterday, my cat died. He was getting old, 14 1/2, and I knew he didn’t have much time left, but that’s just one more thing to deal with in this god forsaken year from hell.

 

love-winsBut I have to end this on a positive note.

Dreamspinner Press’s Love Wins anthology is now available for preorder! I’m very excited about it, and am so happy I was able to do something to help the LGBT+ community in these uncertain times. Abstract Heart is such a cute little story that I’m very proud of, so if you need a burst of something positive to look forward to, along with the 16 other wonderful short stories included in the anthology, preorder your copy here today!

Don’t you just love the cover!

 

50k Words

I “won” NaNoWriMo with 50,008 words for the month on an original novel, but it doesn’t seem like much of a victory.

I’m proud that I finished the month and hit the goal, but I haven’t finished the novel I was working on. I got discouraged with the whole direction it had started going and have put it down for the moment. I want to let it settle before get back into it in January for revision.

Regarding the month as a whole, I’m not sure how I feel about it. I did learn a few things about myself. My stubbornness wouldn’t let me quit, and I need to apply that same dedication to other things I’m working on to get them finished. However, I’m not sure NaNo was the best way for me to go about writing.

I was very discouraged with the quality of my work, and while everyone kept reminding me that it was just a first draft, it was hard to continue working on a piece that I wasn’t happy or, at the very least, not satisfied with. I know a lot of authors say to keep writing and not to edit until you’ve gotten the story out, but it was so discouraging that I almost quit the whole book several times.

At one point, I wanted to quit writing completely. I don’t see the benefit of a system that pushes me that close to the edge, to giving it up. Or a system that makes me loath the piece I’m working on. I know there will be some times where I hate bits and pieces of a story I’m working on, I’ve been there before, but to be completely dissatisfied with the whole piece is the exact opposite of how I should feel about something I’m creating.

I shouldn’t feel discouraged, I should have felt empowered. That’s not what happened. It’s possible that the NaNo process isn’t for me. It happens. Everyone is different and needs to find what works best for them. Just like the fact that I’m not a big planner, I might not do well under the pressure of NaNo.

So for now, I’m going to get back to working on a rewrite I’m doing where I can take my time and enjoy the process. I’ve also got a bit of reading I want to do.

NaNo 2015 Update

Two weeks into NaNo and I’ve written just over 32k words. I’m halfway through the month, halfway through the book, and over 60% through with the NaNo word count. Things have been going smoother than I thought, which has been wonderful. Although, I have been slowed down by a wrist injury of some sort for the past few days. I had hoped to be up to 40k words by now.

I’m not sure if the sore wrist was just an unfortunate sleeping position or if it is an RSI of some sort, maybe a combination of both, but I’ve been icing and wrapping it and taking things slow. Typing isn’t too bad, but I know I’m not in any shape to do word sprints. I miss those. They are fun and challenging and a good way to get your word count up.

Other than that, things are on track. Here’s to the second half of the month going just as swimmingly!!